Who Am I

Twenty four years of existence and here comes the question of self-knowing. Who am I? A complex creation that can never be defined by a single phenomenon. Let me start it this way...

I am an eight son of both farmers from a far-flung barrio of the North. Lost my father when I am seven years old and battled through the waves of life the rest of the way, with my siblings of nine. I have finished my elementary years at my barrio, moved to other place during high school and college years. Moving away was tough but I thought complaining can do less. Nonetheless, I learned much in a way being away from home and it is something I cannot trade of. Hard ways were my ways, I am a master procrastinator and life passed my years very fast procrastinating every time.

Who Am I? What else can I say? I am a conscious body that has the power to create and destroy. I always thought of this power on me and how powerful can it be when used properly. I am confident that I can learn, love, socialize, and all sorts of extending this consciousness to the extent.I can make decisions, I control the things around me. I don't have enough money but I am sure I can have that in the future. Conscious as I am, I am capable of influencing others in a way that I want them to be. I think anyone has that power to make such influence. After all, man is the highest level of an animal. An animal still, yet we are capable of creating values and not just act according to the instincts.

Man has essence and Existence. Yes, I learned it from my Philosophy studies. But how can I totally defined my totality? Can it be possible that I can define solely my essence? Do essence and existence can totally define my totality of being. If essence something pertains to everything what my freedom is capable of then I think it can be possible. But as far as I am aware of, freedom in the first place always have limitations. So man in relation to freedom he is being bounded by limitation. His meaning now is being aggravated by the situations but I thought it will always be a part of it regardless. All of us is bounded with limitations as necessity, yes but I can't stop my self from thinking about the possibility of what if there is no one holding us back?

Realizing this, meaning or knowing who I am cannot be disassociated with where am I. Yes, I am capable of creating, doing and making my own essence but I have to submit also to the collective individuals around me. Sadly, this in a way limits me, but not totally. Society after all has to create values to be shared of and that me as a member of it is being called to participate too. Who Am I? I am my possibilities of creating with limitations at hand. But don't be lulled into complacency. There is something more in creating meaning than arguing what could it be without those limited situations. The fact that we can create, this is the boldest thing I can lie my self into. In relation to meaning, creating the self on the way I want it to be is seems so limitless that even a hundred years of a life span cannot totally exhaust everything.

We are being defined by what values we create. What defines me are things that I do, the decisions that I made, the values I lived into, and the values I create. With this, everything matters as everything becomes a part of me. So defines the real me? When I have my viewpoints about my self, others always has something to say about you as a person. Yes, I am capable of knowing myself, yet will I discredit other's view of me as they experience me personally? This I think sometimes create confusion. Most of the times I complain about why I am view that way but collectively that is how others sees me. I may be wrong, they may be wrong but I think, other's opinion necessary as it is, cannot be always right. This is a bigger problem I though most of the people low-keyed into. There are times, people are submitting to the demands of the collective power where they belong unknowingly submitting themselves to the standard. But society and people can never be right at all times. Base on my observations, some societies can be submissive to an individual power. A powerful man can build a society with a people supporting him at all cost. So how can we submit wholly to the standard of the society that is flawed?

So who am I? I think I have said a lot but it seems I am jiving into this narrative. But seriously, I am a unique just like all others. I am a sum of my experiences plus the freedom, values and ideas that I could possibly be. I am everything, not isolated into parts but the totality of what I could be. Meaning is limitless, so knowing my self cannot be fully answered yet as of this moment. I can still do a lot of things, I can still create, I can still share my ideas and values that I valued, I am everything as long as I am alive. And all of the things I would do, may it be good or not can be a part of my self-knowing.

Meaning?

By: Aldrin Babanto Lamzon

The question of meaning is seriously hunting us as a person. There are times that we can't still figure out what is really the meaning of our lives is. And worst, even the definition of the word meaning itself, we cannot fathom. How can we say that we are already creating meaning when meaning is something metaphysical in nature that most of the times we somehow find it difficult to incorporate its real essence into something empirical? How can a man say that “I am doing something meaningful if the mere creation of meaning itself cannot be totally defined?

Yes, it’s absurd to think of meaning this far and I am already questioning what is really meant when other's say meaning. Is it only meaningful when I am happy about it? Or is it just meaningful when I made other people happy? I still have a lot of questions with regards to man’s creation of meaning.  I am at the moment of finding the right criteria to incorporate meaning into the things I am doing. If I am happy at the moment, I don't have the feeling of emptiness and the feeling of distress, then is it meaningful already? My finding of meaning is still in the state of chaos and problematic at times since reality would say that not all the times we are happy.  There are times that we feel like empty-bottled body thrown out of the meaningless existence. Even though we feel like doing our best lapses are still hunting us and we feel like inescapable from it. When we lose something or someone, we sometimes thought that life is meaningless already, hasty generalization but we cannot blame ourselves to think this way. Our minds, after all, are programmed to make generalizations out of what is only there to be induced into.

 In the broadness of this topic of meaning, to make sense out of this reflection, I will be inductively associate meaning to our common experiences in hope that I can extract some definitions of the word itself out the pieces of experiences of life.

We are constantly finding meaning. This for me is one of the deepest reason for our existence and the most exciting part of our seeking. As for Martin Buber, the reality of Death calls for a responsibility for man to find meaning in the shortness of life. Man must realize that life is too short not to spend the most of it to create impact to others and to the world. In short, the realization of the reality of Death can be the starting point of the definition of meaning of life. In this context, meaning is about making sense to life but creating impact to the persons that surrounds you. Since we are limited to the reality of our being existent and death, in between that realities lie our utmost responsibility to create meaning in existence. And how can we associate meaning through it? In this sense we need others to define our impact. For instance, we are doing good not only for the thought of getting something in return but because we want to leave some legacy behind, something that other people will value and remember. We create meaning not only for ourselves but for us to have a lasting impact to others. So, my first point is that, meaning is about creating an impact to others since they are the ones that can define our own worth.

Secondly, every person is bounded by the reality of differences. We cannot stop ourselves from comparing what we are capable of, what we have acquired, and what are the things that makes us different from others. This thought if not managed well can lead us into frustration. How can we associate it with meaning? For me, the more we think of possible things that makes us better to others, it can be a way for us to create something within us and even strive to be a much better individual than the rest. We are creating an image of ourselves that separates us from other people around us. This can lead to a negative impact to others, if not managed well, but then in the brighter side, it individualizes the human person themselves because through it, man creates his own self-image.